Letter to the Light of My Life

Dear Light of My Life,

Baby, my son, I do apologize. I was not in a mental state where I was able to care for you. I know I was an awful mother, but your father. He wouldn’t let me look after you. He believed that I needed to stay in bed and rest. I wasn’t allowed to do anything.

I felt useless. I missed some of the most important stages of your life, and I can never go back. You are only a child and there’s not much I can tell you because you wouldn’t understand. But, know this, I love you dearly. No matter what, you are my child and I will always be there for you.

-Your Mother

Letter to Jennie

Dear Jennie,

Thank you so much for holding my household together during my time of need. Though I am very grateful for your help, I’m also upset by the fact that I myself could not run my own household. I am not scolding you or angry with you. Rather, I am venting with you, since you are my sister-in-law.

I felt so useless during the time you were running my household. I couldn’t even take care of my own child. I missed out on some of the most important moments of child’s life that I can never get back.

On top of missing out on my child’s life, I could not be a good wife. I was isolated in that dark, depressing room where all I could do was resonate on dreary thoughts. I couldn’t clean. I couldn’t cook. I couldn’t even tend to the garden outside.

Oh Jennie, how I suffered terribly. I ask that you please take care of your brother for me, for I must go away for a little while to become sane again. Please write me to let me know how John is doing.

-Your Sister-In-Law

Letter to the Lady in the Wallpaper

Dear Lady in the Wallpaper,

Why did you haunt me? Why did you let me go insane? Why couldn’t you just leave me and my mind alone? Why did you allow me to elaborate such a figment in my imagination? Why were you crawling everywhere? Were you trying to run away from something? Someone?

You were so helpless behind the wallpaper. You were trapped behind the patterns, which made it seem like you were trapped behind bars.

My husband thought I was crazy, but I saw you. You were with other women who were also trapped. You are the reason why my husband did not listen to me. My husband prohibited me from doing anything and it was your fault. He thought I was insane because I saw you.

I felt as if I was the one trapped in the wallpaper. My obsession grew. It dominated any thought I had. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. I could even smell the wallpaper everywhere I went. I tried to destroy the paper, but I failed. I began to crawl around the floor and began to crawl on top of my fainted husband. I felt as if I was you. Was I?

-Me

 

Letter to Myself

Letter to self:

I remember the day when I told myself I would never let anything or anyone dictate my life. But, I had no control over my life. I felt as if I was slowly losing grasp of what little reality I had left.

John dictated every aspect of my life. He didn’t let me change the wallpaper or change rooms. He didn’t even let me go outside. He though that the best remedy to my illness was rest. But, I disagreed. I needed to stay busy to keep my mind off of my illness. The more I rested, the more I became ill; because I had nothing to do but constantly think of my depression.

I couldn’t even take care of my own child so Jennie had to. Jennie was what I couldn’t be. She played the mother to my child and did all of my wife duties. I utterly useless in my own household.

I felt trapped. I was literally going insane. No one understood me. If John could have simply put himself in my position, he could have seen how the rest cure was not helping at all. But, he didn’t care about my needs. He believed that because he was a doctor he knew what was best for me. If he could have just stopped being my doctor for a minute and could have been my husband like he was supposed to, then he would have understood.

Take control of your life again. Stand up to John. Just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean you have to let John belittle you. Ultimately, it was John’s rules that drove you to insanity. You need to express your feelings. Don’t let the distinction between male and females keep you from controlling your life. Break the sexist rules of that time and take back what is yours!

-Me

Letter to My Husband

Dear John,

Darling, so I say, you have “tried” to do what you thought was best, but at the time of my illness; but, all I really needed was for you to be husband rather than be my doctor. I needed your moral support. I could have found a doctor in any city, but I only have one husband. I needed you to separate your profession from our personal relationship.

A husband is suppose to support his wife. And during the time that I needed your support the most you belittled me. You shoved my ideas and concerns to the side and treated me as a patient. You did not see things from my point of view. Rather than asking me what I thought was best for my health, you turned to other remedies that didn’t work. You forbade me from doing anything. I couldn’t clean. I couldn’t write. I couldn’t even go outside. What was I left to do? Sit in my room and go insane.

All I needed to was to keep myself busy to keep my mind off of my depression. Instead, you told me the best treatment was the rest cure. You were wrong! I couldn’t be active at all. You caused me to lie and be deceitful towards you. I hid my true feelings and thoughts from you. I would hide my journal from you. Do you know how terrible I felt lying to you? No you do not, because you never bothered to ask me how I felt. You thought my illness was an antic, but it wasn’t.

I asked you to remove the wallpaper and you refused. You thought that it was unnecessary to change anything. But look at what happened, the wallpaper controlled me. The wallpaper drove me insane. I began imagining people in the wallpaper. I went crazy. Tearing the wallpaper and biting it. I was like an animal in the wild trying to find prey. You left me to die.

I blame you John. You are the reason why mental state deteriorated. All I needed was love, support, and a bit of your attention. But you let your ignorance get the best of you. You wanted the easy way out. You though modern medicine was the answer, when all I need was a little therapy.

John, I wish you the best in life. At this moment I need to get away with our child. When I return I do wish to resolve our marriage issues. Take care Darling.

-Your Loving Wife